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Let's talk about body image.

  • Writer: Emily Adair
    Emily Adair
  • Sep 24, 2020
  • 4 min read

Updated: Apr 4, 2021

Let's be honest. Most of us have something about ourselves that we don't like, maybe it's a scar or jiggly arms or perhaps you think your feet are too big or your legs are too short. Whatever it is, I get it. I am there with you. No matter how many times someone tells you 'you're enough' or 'you're fine the way you are' it doesn't change the way you perceive yourself.


I work in a very superficial industry, where one of the biggest 'job qualifications' is based upon how you look. It's very backwards and actually quite appalling but it is sadly, quite a true reality. This doesn't exactly make for the most healthy environment for your self-confidence, especially if you're already pretty conscious about how you look. What makes it worse is having to wear the same uniform as everyone else. It's very easy to compare yourself to others when they're wearing the exact same thing as you and because you're working and living together it's hard to hide what size you are. In 'normal' jobs it's rare that you compare your measurements with your colleagues and you just wear what you love and what looks good on your body. It is so much easier to flaunt your assets and hide the things you don't like about yourself when you're wearing your own clothes, however, when you're wearing a generic polo shirt and a 'one-style-suits-all' short it highlights every single thing you dislike about yourself.


This is my biggest problem. Now I'm a pretty average height for a woman, coming in at 168cm (5ft5) and my weight is fairly under control. I'm healthy (although we could always do better, hello carbs and chocolate) but all the other girls I work with are so much smaller than me. Height, weight, shoe size. The works. So even though I'm the right size and weight for my height, I often feel enormous next to them. I hate taking my clothes off in front of them out of fear someone will say or even think something about my chubby thighs or wiggly bum. I feel so big when they're drowning in their size 2 shorts and I'm bursting out of my size 8's and what makes it worse is when they complain that THEY'RE fat. I'm sat there thinking 'My God, I wish I was as 'fat' as you'. Comparison is a nasty game, you hold yourself to ridiculously impossible standards and dream your life away, wishing you had a different body.


Even when I'm not comparing myself to others I often find myself comparing how I look now to how I looked seven years ago when I was at my absolute thinnest. This is wrong. Seven years ago I was 18. I was actually underweight and not healthy. I was young so my metabolism was running at the speed of light which meant I could eat whatever I liked and didn't have to think about it. Seven years ago I still looked at myself and thought I was fat. My family thought I was anorexic and my Grandparents told me a few years later after I got to a healthy weight that they were genuinely worried about me then. But that's the thing about perception. No matter how many times you tell a person they're gorgeous and slim and perfect as they are, they're not going to believe you until they can see it for themselves first.


I've written all this down amidst one of my worse mental breakdowns over my weight. I don't know why, it's not like I suddenly gained a lot of weight, in fact I'm actually losing weight. I'm healthy and I'm the fittest I've ever been since I took up running in March but yet I look in the mirror and I just see everything that's wrong with me. I don't see my muscles shaping up and getting toned, I just see this upside down triangle from the waist down. Even though I know what I'm seeing in the mirror is probably horribly disproportionate to what is actually there and that I'm probably exaggerating my size slightly, I can't seem to unsee the flaws. But what I know in theory seems to get lost in translation to how I feel and there is no way to describe that feeling.


Your body shape does not define you. What makes you you, is your wonderful mind, your unique personality and your ability to grow in this confusing world. I wish I could go back to that girl in highschool and tell her she's beautiful and that there are so many things she should be worrying about instead of the way she looked. However, time travel is unfortunately not a thing and even if it was I don't think it would have made a difference. Self-perception starts from within. It's about learning to love everything about yourself, even the jiggly bits. I hope one day I'll be able to look at myself in that full-length mirror and say 'Wow, look at her!' instead of 'Wow. Look at that'. Of course, this takes time. You're not going to be able to break this bad habit overnight, but I'm trying everyday. I'm still learning to change the way I see myself and I'm still learning to love my ever-changing body. I am beautiful just the way I am, and so are you.

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