How to Work For Someone Difficult.

If you're working in the hospitality industry then you'll know you come across a whole bunch of different people. Most people are easy to serve and are actually quite pleasant. They're kind, have manners and generally respect the staff. Then you get the few people who are the total opposite. It's as if they were never taught the value of saying please and thank you or are totally oblivious to the fact that it's 2020 and not okay to call staff "good lookin'" or "beautiful woman" or comment on how good their legs look in those shorts.

Unfortunately for me, I am currently in lockdown with one of those people. Look, I don't want to bad mouth the person who is currently paying my bills and is providing me with a place to stay, food to eat and is basically funding my entire life. And trust me I am so grateful to still have a job when so many people are finding themselves without one. Don't get me wrong, he is generally a very kind and understanding man. But BOY, am I struggling. It's hard when you live with the person you're working for. There is just never any escape, especially when that person doesn't really understand personal boundaries, doesn't respect your privacy and makes comments which aren't exactly 21st century friendly.

So what do you do? You can't say anything because you love your job, you love your job, you LOVE YOUR JOB <insert fake smile here> and you don't want to make things awkward or potentially get fired. You can't leave (thanks Covid-19), not even for an hour to shut off and get a coffee or a cocktail (no judgements) but you also can't just sit idly by and build up all this resentment and anger.

What I have found that is helping me slightly is talking about it. Find a confidant who you can trust and who knows exactly what you're going through. Talking about it means you can release some of that tension, you can express how you're feeling and decompress a little bit. This person doesn't necessarily need to give you advice, it's more about having someone to listen to you vent. Venting relieves stress but it's important to do it the right way. Psychologists suggest to only vent for about 5 minutes with a friend or someone you deem trustworthy then change the subject to something positive. Bonding purely over negativity is not good for relationships.

The other thing I like to do is try to understand the situation, why do I get so upset? Most of it is probably because, like everyone else, I am frustrated. I'm currently not actually doing what I'm qualified for, I'm caretaking instead of being a stewardess which is not what I signed up for and I am away from James and all my colleagues, also not what I signed up for.

I also think a little bit of it has to do with my view on feminism and the way women should be treated, especially in the workplace and I think a little bit has to do with the fact that I'm a pretty private person (She says while writing a blog).

The thing is, you aren't going to be able to explain to an 83 year old man why he can't comment on the way you're dressed or call you things like "Good lookin'" because he isn't going to change, it's too late for him. You have to pick your battles, so those snide comments you have to just let go. You can't take it too personally even though I want to physically gag every time I hear it. I just try to not give him the ammunition, I don't react to anything in front of him and if he tries to make conversation about something I'm uncomfortable with, I change the subject immediately. I don't even do it subtly, if I'm uncomfortable I am not having this conversation.

I've tried putting boundaries in place, drawing the line between employee and employer. He asked me to eat with him at dinner one night and I politely declined. I am there purely to look after him, not to keep him entertained. I felt guilty for a while but after reflecting I know I shouldn't have. Yes he is alone here but that is a result of choices he made, that is not my fault and it certainly isn't my responsibility to make sure he isn't lonely.

There is no specific formula on how to deal with difficult employers/guests, as long as you remain calm, polite and positive you should be fine. I like to have a little rant to myself as soon as I'm out of earshot. Keep your cool when you are in front of them, I can't tell you the amount of times I have had to bite my tongue because I almost said something back but it's not worth it. Even though you aren't being treated with respect doesn't mean you get to be disrespectful. Be the bigger person.

One last piece of advice I could give you is this; if you ever get to the point where you physically can't handle it anymore, to the point where it starts affecting your work and your attitude and you find yourself saying things like 'Oh I don't care if I get fired' you need to leave and find another job. You never want to get to the point where you don't care at all and your quality of work decreases. You always want to leave on a high, you want a good reference and you want your colleagues to remember you well. Rather quit on a high than get fired and lose all that hard earned experience and your reputation.

Hang in there, breathe through the frustrations and stay strong.